A Prose of Poetry for the Wandering and Confused

I wish we would just keep

driving, driving, driving

On through the night

on,on,on

My mind tells me

silly, silly, silly

My heart bursts with

run, run, run

Urging me on,

never, never, never

Everyone tells me,

silly, silly, silly

My mind tells me 

GO! GO! GO!

But when no one told me to go my heart 

stopped, stopped, stopped

Screaming for what I don't have 

pounding, pounding, pounding

Finally they tell me

hurry, hurry, hurry

But my heart tells me

stop, stop, stop

And my mind whispers

"Don't turn me away"

Silently in the dark makes it easy to see

flickering, flickering, flickering

Bright lights blind my vision of the small light of the 

candle, candle, candle

In the distance, as darkness descends and 

I see it, I see, see

When I see the voices leave me like birds

birds, birds, birds

As a cold, dark winter closes in

void, void, void. 

Slowly the car stops moving on

moving, moving, moving

The Talented

The definition for talented is: a special natural ability or aptitude. And the definition for talented is:having talent or special ability; gifted. 


Well this is an interesting post. It started out as something I was going to vent into and then it just sat here for like a year and a half. It all started because someone dissed on Michale Phelps. I was trying to defend him in some way from the things that boys in my 8th grade math class had said but I couldn't figure out what I was going to say. I was stuck, having a hard time getting past the terrible things he had done to himself and the example he shouldn't have set for the rest of the world. Well it wasn't until just recently that I figured out what it is that I like  about this swimmer. He's talented. Before I go on I want to clarify what I've said about Michale Phelps so that no one gets the wrong  idea, I don't condone the things he's done. I think that they're awful but I can enjoy his talent. Talent is something I feel like I don't have more often than not because mine are more subtle than other peoples. The thing that helped me figure this out was watching my brothers basketball team and the way I treated him and how I wanted to treat the team. Well I care about people but when I don't know people I like to find reasons to like them anyway. So it's really easy for me to find reason to like the basketball team because they're talented. They're incredible. Okay, not quite collage level but I can't do what they do and they have a "special" or "natural ability" for the game. I stink at it! I love that they love what they do and I don't want to see that go away. 
One of things that makes me the happiest with myself is when I do something I love to do. Something you could say is my "passion." You might not say that high school boys are filled with the most "passion" for what they do but some of them are going to grow up and play professionally. I know my brother wants to do that so you could definitely say that he has a passion for playing basketball. And when people get up to play professionally and do things in the Olympics are (or should be) passionate about what they're doing. I hate to see something that beautiful and admirable leave a person. I want to do anything I can to preserve that in those people who are talented. And there are so many talents that people possess in this world that it's amazing! And some people are more talented than others but it shouldn't ever discredit any persons talent. And some talents are so different too! Like one of my brothers is great with politics while the other who's not so great in that area but still good is better with people and the like. I have one sister who loved to take care of people and help them so she made it her profession. But then there are the people who may be good with people but are not as good as them and would rather use a talent of theirs like being able to play an instrument. I have cousins who can sing beautifully and others who can play instruments like I could never dream of doing. It's amazing and wonderful and somehow I can appreciate that others have gifts like this rather than being envious of them. My talents don't exactly lie in any of the categories I've talked about, music, sports, or in dealing with people, but that doesn't mean that I don't have talents that can be recognized. Everyone has talents all their own if they only look for them. But my advice is not to spend to much time worried about your own talents and enjoy everyone else's because that's when I find myself having the most fun. When other people share their talents and thanking them for it. How ever that may be, if you tell someone they sounded great when they sing or when they have a recital. If it's telling them they played a game well or whatever, thanking them is something that almost everyone can appreciate. It should just be done but unfortunately for me it's one of the hardest things for me to do. Just a simple "thank you" to someone I don't know can practically kill me. But you know what, I do it anyway. It's really important to me to let people know that I was pleased because of something they did. I just think that talents are awesome and I know they're hard work, everything is, but I think they are so worth it! So be one of the talented but be one in your own way. You don't have to be like anyone else if you don't want to be.   

Ever After

I have this thing for fairy tales and happily ever afters. I always have. I was kind of a skeptical little girl when it came to fairy tales but I always loved bedtime stories. And as I got older I started to love fairy tales more and more. I loved thinking that maybe I could be a princess, I could be beautiful and live happily for ever and ever with someone I loved and who loved me. This was a really big thing when I was around 12 and 13. It's still huge for me but it's a little more realistic now (not much but a little). The thing is I have this brother or I guess brothers. They are trying to find the person they want to merry. Well obviously they are still searching and they grow skeptical as I was as a little, little girl. One of them once said "there's no such thing as true love" and I was aghast. I couldn't believe that they would say something so awful! Well as I've grown, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually, I have come to know that what ever they want to believe is completely their own belief. Because there is almost nothing I believe in more than true loves and happily ever afters. Not because I'm some princess fanatic but because as I was told when I got into Young Womens (something they say a lot actually, something to do with our self esteem or something like that) was that we are daughters of a king. I love applying that to all the people I know. Especially when I struggle to get along with them. Well I was talking to one of my brothers closer to my age one day and I told me that if we are all children of a king then we are all princesses and prince's  and therefore we are entitled to have a happily ever after and a wonderful adventure. Adventure. That could entitle a whole different topic to discus. I think it's the adventure that pulled me in long before the romance and true love. Well I know that their adventures in all the fairy tales are some what silly  and kind of ridiculous but I always loved them. They use the adventures to profess the way they feel and what better way to tell a girl you love her than kill the dragon that's imprisoning her? No, your right, killing an evil sea witch is a much better idea. Well who knew that was how a guy was supposed to do it. No wonder my brothers are having a little bit of trouble. That part of the story is all about their love and the personable part of the story. Where it's emotion that drives it on. And everyone can relate to feeling emotion. That's one of the great wonders of our world to me. If we see someone cry we know what that means. They're sad. Well I love it! I love that a smile says your happy, tears relate your pain, and I know it doesn't go in depth but it's still so wonderful. You can relate to the smallest and simplest forms of emotion. Now someone might be happy for several reasons but are those reasons important if someone you don't know smiles at you. Are you going to stop them and ask why they're so happy or are you going to smile back? If you don't smile back shame on you! Always smile. It's the most wonderful thing the world. But that's a different post. Even though my brothers haven't fallen in love and they haven't woken their true love with a kiss after she's been poisoned with an evil red apple it doesn't mean they can't watch that happen in a movie and know that they want to be in love. My brother said the sweetest thing once, he was watching one of those romantic chick flicks with all of us as a family and after it was over he closed his eyes. Smiling he leaned back and said "Oh, my heart hurts! I want to be in love so bad!" I've always remembered him saying that. It was so him but it was also so true. When you watch someone fall in love and you can actually feel your heart hurt. Not in a bad way at all, in the best way possible. Sometimes I say that "My heart hurts" and people just smile because they think it's cute but it's so true. That's a happily ever after for you.
On to another point about me, of course. Well there's this song. I'm sure some of you have heard it. It's called "White Horse" by Taylor Swift. In that song she says "This ain't a fairy tale" and one time I was listening to that in the car with my mom when I thought of something. I said "I hate that!" and my mom looked at me curiously but not saying anything. "I hate that she says it's not a fairy tale. I wish she would say 'this ain't my fairy tale'" that's when my mother decided to speak. "Why?" So I told her. "I think everyone is entitled to their very own fairy tale and I think she deserves one too." She seemed to think that was odd but I really do believe that. AND! I do know a few things other people don't get to know because I have the only true gospel on the earth today!! I know that God is just. I know that he wants us all to come back to him and have what he has. Well to get that we have to be married. I'm pretty darn sure that Heavenly Father doesn't have a lame story. I bet he has a real, like an actual reality sort of real, fairy tale. He lives happily ever after. This is where my other thought about ever afters comes in. They aren't always going to be happy!
I know, shocking right? Happily ever after not being happy all the time! Yeah that part of the story is where I'm still the same skeptical little girl I've always been. I hate to be the one bursting bubbles here but life isn't always happy. In fact a lot of the time it's down right sad or painful. That has to be accepted. Life is tough. I know that and I really don't think I knew that until last June. Death is the worst kind of pain and it's aweful to see the people you love in that kind of pain while you're feeling it too. You also have to accept that happily ever after doesn't mean that it will be easy. Like I said. Life is hard and painful. But in the end it's all going to be worth it. Heavenly Father feels pain every time one of his wonderful children goes astray so don't be his pain. And give yourself a happily ever after. I believe in them. I really do. I live my life dreaming about it. Knowing that someday, life will still be hard, life will still hold pain and trial, but in your ever after you get to be with the person you're in love with. Could it be any better?? Everyone I've talked about in this post either has or is going to someday have that person with them. I know everyone will.
One more part of ever after that I have to point out. It doesn't always have to be the romantic dream. I know that's what everyone thinks when they think of ever after but what about your other dreams? Right like mine is, as everyone knows, to be an author. The part of that dream that I haven't shared with anyone in the whole wide world is that it's not all I want to do. I want to change things. I want people to be inspired. I don't care if they agree with what I think or not I just want people to see why I am the way I am. I want people to know what I believe in and what I think is wrong or right. More than anything I want to be done away with things that will ruin a wonderful world. I envision something wonderful and all I want to do is share that vision with other people. That's really hard for me to do but that's the biggest part of my dream. And that dream of mine belongs to happily ever afters. I see a happily ever after when I think of what I might be able to do. Even with just one person. I long to help people reach the best point in their lives. I long to be apart of that. So aside from the true love that I adore about fairy tales I admire and aspire to the dreams that are reached. Things I want to tell people all the time are to dream big. Not those silly little dreams like you want to met a celebrity. You can dream for that but don't make something that trivial and simple be your biggest dream. Dream on through the eternities. Because those are the best kind of dreams. The ones that last. And my last bit. Look forward to your happily ever after. Don't let it scare you, don't worry about it. We have it pretty simple friends. Just follow the things you know are true, ("follow your heart, that's what I always do"). Just remember that life doesn't end with finding your spouse and getting married, it doesn't even end with death. So dream further than that! Have an ever after that can be admired in the eternities to come.