Life is Beautiful

I'm not very good at being alone.

Sometimes I like to be alone. When I need to think or when I'm troubled.

I guess what I mean to say is that I'm not very good at feeling alone.

I can be all by myself for a whole day and not feel lonely.

There are a lot of stages in a life. Birth. Child. Teenager. Adult. Marriage. Having kids. Death.

All of these stages are like really differently sized steps in a staircase. We can't forget the stepping stone of school of course. Preschool. Kindergarten. Elementary. Junior high. High School. Collage.

Everything in our lives are something that moves us forward. Where we end when we finish climbing those steps is up to us. It's something I don't know all of yet. I do know that feeling alone happens to me when I feel like I haven't quite made it up one of those steps and someone I love is already there and I'm left behind. I get all alone and moved into the background.

There's nothing wrong with the people I love moving forward when they're ready. I just have heartache when they're gone.

These stepping stones are wonderful. People are always so happy to see them come about. But first, for their best friends who get left behind, there's a loss. A loss that no one really wants to talk about. One that's hard to explain but almost impossible not to feel.

It's when someone gets something and you're so sad that you can't be part of it because you're just not there yet. Maybe you're not there emotionally, physically or any other reason someone may have for not being there. There are so many reasons. But part of you aches so badly to be able to do what they've just done. A longing, an aching, urning for something that you are afraid of but know that you want. Someday. Today's not the day but you know that someday, someday you'll have it. Someday you'll want it more then anything and you'll have it. You'll get it and then you and your lost friend will be reunited in that unity and similarity.

But until then, you'll feel lonely for a few moments. It wont last long because those stepping stones of life are always superseded by joy and love and happiness. Sometimes pain and heartbreak but often there's more happiness then anything else. 

For me there's this pain. A pain that's hardly bearable for that brief moment between being sad that something is changing and realizing how happy you are. A pain that wracks your whole being with an aching pain.

When I think of pain I think of tears. It's not always how people deal with pain or heartache but it's how I think of it. 

Tears are strange to me. We used them when we were little and scraped our knees. We used them when we got hit by our brother. But then we also used them when the kid in our class told us they hated us. And when your sister tells you to get out of her room because she's to busy for you. You use them when you date people as you get older and you use them when you see pain. When you feel loss or when you see the loss of others. We all show tears at some point. Some more then others but even the least likely of people let their tears fall once in a while. It's hard to avoid. 





There are a lot of saying about pain and sadness. There are a lot of reason for people to be sad. But there are just as many if not More reasons for people to be happy. Life is a beautiful thing and there's no stopping that unless you don't want it to be. Happiness is something that you create inside of yourself. It's something that you have inside of you. Something that you have to create using your resources. 

Something that I'm terrified to misconstrue is that people don't always have to be happy. Sometimes it's best to show your painful emotions. The ones that make you cry. The ones that hurt the most. Sometimes we need to be angry to get to the sad. Sometimes we need to cry to let go of the loss. Sometimes we need to show our tears because tears are like pictures. They show a thousand things that we can't explain in words. 

This is kind of how life is. It's a lot of emotions and it's beautiful. I recommend loving it because it only happens once. So feel your emotions. Respond accordingly. And love every good thing you come in contact with. Don't forget that it's our responsibility to be happy. Don't lose sight of the things that make you truly happy. That make the sun look more perfect today then yesterday. The things that make life better then you ever thought it could be. Make your life shine. Make it brighter then it's ever been. Make your life beautiful.