Loving Anyway

"Love they neighbor as thy self"

"Love one another, as I have loved you"

There is so much to every person. Do you ever just walk down a hallway or down the street and see all the the people around you and wonder "What's their story"? Because I do. There are BILLIONS of people on this planet, each one of us completely different and unique. Everyone with their own family and friends. Each person with their own love stories, tragedies, and trials. All of us just trying to get through one day at a time. Everyone of us dreaming and striving for something. Yet there is so much cruelty. I'm tired of it. I'm just tired of the pain we cause each other. I spoke with a woman on the train once who told me that one of the rules she taught her children with was "we don't hurt each other on purpose because we do that enough on accident". Why are we hurting each other? I'm religious, some of you may not be, and I follow Jesus Christ. He says the second great commandment is to "love they neighbor as they self". I don't care who you are, what you believe, what your political affiliations, you're a person. And people are deserving of love no matter what.
I'm not pro-gay marriage, and I don't support that lifestyle personally. But who am I to condemn and do judge? Who am I to tell someone that they cannot live the life they want, whether I agree or not? I don't agree with smoking, but you don't see people telling smokers that they're disgusting and unnatural and wrong and that no loves them. You don't see that. And I'm not saying we have to be okay with anything that others do, I'm just saying we should love them anyway. It's a different kind of love than the love you feel for your family and friends, but does that matter? I don't expect all of us to just magically be "okay" with things. And I don't think I will ever be made to change my mind that gay marriage is not of God, but the fact that I believe that does not give me, or anyone, the right to be cruel in anyway because someone is different from me. Just because I have a friend who's not LDS does not mean that she isn't a wonderful person who is just as deserving of my friendship and love as my friends are LDS. And just because I have family and friends that are gay does not ever mean that they are worth any less than family and friends that are not.
Personally, I feel like once I've loved people as much as Christ has is when I can start condemning them. Until then my job is to love.

"A person's a person"

-Dr. Suess

Completing Your Personal Masterpiece

Imagine God as an artist for a moment. Creating universes, galaxies, solar systems, stars and planets. Specifically our planet.

I had a painting teacher once who told me that only amateurs neglect the details. God is not an amateur. He created the earth and took care to make every plant and creature exactly as He’d intended. All of that care, all of that beauty He’d created, and He created us. His greatest masterpieces. But we are an unfinished work. We can’t be completed by God, but we also couldn’t complete ourselves without help. So God laid out a plan. He sent our Savior, Jesus Christ, to atone for us. And He didn’t neglect the details of our lives. He created plans of us. Paved our path and now He has left it up to us to reach our potential. To become the masterpiece He always intended us to be.

Along the way we sometimes run into bumps. Sometimes minor things, and sometimes things that can change your life. And frequently we ask “Why? Why me? Why now? Why this?”

Adversity is placed in our way as part of the perfectly detailed plan that Heavenly Father has placed before each of us.

What brought this topic to mind was a line from Joseph Smith: The Prophet of the Restoration. Joseph is speaking with Emma and he says:

“Perhaps I am meant to swim in deep waters”

I don’t think any of us was ever meant to wade through life.

I want us to change the way we look at our trials and adversity. Pres. Henry B. Eyring said “I assure you that our Heavenly Father and the Savior live and that They love all humanity. The very opportunity for us to face adversity and affliction is part of the evidence of their infinite love.”

We want no regrets in our lives. We don’t want to feel that we never reached our full potential. We want to become “the person God, our Heavenly Father, intended us to be.”

Pres. Uchtdorf says “We certainly cannot do this with a dragging-our-feet, staring-at-our-watch, complaining-as-we-go approach,” and counsels us to “give our best personal self and undivided time to those” things that are most important to us. He also counsels that “good intentions are not enough. We must do. Even more important, we must become”.

With faith we must act. With faith we must move forward through adversity. As Joseph Smith struggled God comforted him in Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-9 saying:

“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over thy foes.

Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.”

This extends to us.

Pres. Eyring promises that “the disciple[s] who accept a trial as an invitation to grow and therefore qualify for eternal life can find peace in the midst of the struggle.”

God does not leave us. He is not an amateur. He is there in the details of your lives. He will give you relief and comfort when needed. He will strengthen you and help you to grow when you let Him help. It is never easy. But God will qualify you.

When presented with your struggles ask God “What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my blessings in this time of trial?”

Alma says in chapter 36 verse 3

“whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions and shall be lifted up at the last day”

In the midst of all this affliction God also wants us to learn to be happy.

The gospel is designed to provide a way for happiness in our lives.

“He sent His Son to carry out the Atonement so we can be happy in this life and receive a fullness of joy in the eternities.”

Remember what Alma says in 41:10 “Wickedness never was happiness.”

Elder Pino of the seventy says “The only way to real happiness is to live the gospel.” He also ready 3 Nephi 14:24-27

“Therefore, whoso heareth these sayings of mine and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, who built his house upon a rock- And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not, for it was founded upon a rock.

And every one that heareth these sayings of mine and doeth them not shall be likened unto a foolish man, who built his house upon the sand

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

Elder Pino notes that Ït is interesting to notices that the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew against both houses! Living the gospel does not mean that we will everlastingly escape adversity. Rather it means that we will be prepared to face, and endure adversity more confidently.”

Elder Marvin J. Ashton states :We can be broken by adversity, or we can become stronger.” Later he continues saying “If we turn to God, He will take us by the hand and lead us through our darkest hours.”

I suggest we all grow. And we all turn to God. But this requires trust. Elder Bednar said (at a fireside) that

“Trusting in the Lord’s will and timing is essential.

Remember that God created us, He designed our paths to perfection and God does not make mistakes. Trust Him. Let Him guide and teach you.

Let your trust in God give you peace, hope, and direction.

James 1:5 says

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

God truly wants to guide us. We have to trust enough to let Him.

Elder Okazaki of the seventy talks of hope in our Savior and says “He is my hope on rainy Monday mornings, my hope on the dark nights, and my hope in the face of death and despair.”

Doctrine and Covenants 6:36 says “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.”

Have faith, and trust. Look to the Lord through your trials.

Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-8 says “And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?”

Remember that you are NEVER alone in adversity.

Christ promises in Doctrine and Covenants 78:18

“And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer,for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessing thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are your.”

The riches of eternity. The kingdom. These trials, this adversity, is all in preparation to become like God in the eternities. Eliza R. Snow coined the couplet “As man now is, God once was; As God now is, man may be”

Joseph Smith also stated “What kind of being is God?” Human beings need to know because “If men do not comprehend the character of God they do not comprehend themselves.” Human nature is at it’s core divine.

In Joseph Smith’s last conference address to the church he said; “It is not all to be comprehended in this world. It will take a long time after the grave to understand the whole.”

And regarding this Pres. Hinckley said “We believe in eternal progression.”

We will always be seeking to better ourselves. We should do our best everyday of your lives here, and know that we don’t have to be perfect at death.

Pres. Uchtdorf says that “You are stronger than you realize. You are more capable than you can imagine.”

We are capable of so much. Perhaps we couldn’t travel across oceans to find our prophet. Perhaps we couldn’t leave all we had to travel to the Salt Lake Valley. And maybe we couldn't travel with the handcart companies leaving loved ones behind us, with just our faith to guide us.

But James E. Faust said, “Your challenges today are different from those of your forebears, but they are nonetheless real.”

Pres. Foust then tells a story about a mother who wanted to encourage her son, a young piano student, and so bought tickets for a performance of a famous Polish Pianist. The night of the concert they took theirs seats and while the mother visited with friends, her son slipped away.

When suddenly the performance was to begin! The spotlight found the grand piano on the stage and only then did the audience notice the boy innocently picking out Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Before his mother had a chance to respond the Polish Pianist appeared on stage and quickly moved to sit beside the boy and whispered “Don’t quit. Keep playing.”and proceeded to fill in the bass, and then a harmony around the boys’ song. The audience was mesmerized.

Foust continues to say “it is the Master who surrounds us and whispers in our ear, time and time again, “don’t quit. Keep playing.”and as we do, He augments and supplements until a work of amazing beauty is erected. He is right there with all of us, telling us over and over, “keep playing”.

No matter the struggle. No matter the embarrassment, no matter our nerves, our fears and especially our trials, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ stand with us.

In a favorite song of mine the artist tells a little of how he moves past adversity. After he’s struggled, battled, and at last given thanks for making it though, successful or not, he sings:

“I design my future bright, not by where my life has been”

I encourage all of us to faithfully, trusting ing God, move towards adversity with the attitude to learn and when you’ve endured, grown, and changed design your future bright.

Running Ragnar

I ran the Ragnar this weekend and it was....rough. Physically it was hard. Mentally I hit breaking points continually. But along my last leg I got thinking, as I so frequently do, and I remembered how often life is compared to a race. Right? You know what I mean. And then I thought that life is a whole lot more like a relay race like Ragnar. You're there doing something that is SO hard. Physically, emotionally, and mentally you just drop. It's really hard. And that's life. It's hard. It's hard physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. You have to put forth a lot of effort and sometimes while you're "running" you think "I can't do it" and you want to give up!!
On Ragnar they have legs that are supported by your van. So your fellow runners and team members are there to cheer you on and supply you with what you need to keep going. And there are some legs that have no van support. You're essentially on your own. There are other runners of course, but you're not there with each other. You're just there around each other. So you feel alone.
All of that said, I was thinking about it on my last leg. And it occurred to me that our teams in our vans are much like family and friends in life (they happen to be close family and friends frequently while you run the Ragnar and if they're not they become so). These people are your support. They bring you the things you need most when you're at your breaking point. They are part of the reason you make it through to the end.
However, there are times in our lives where we have no "van support". There is no one there. You are essentially alone. And you expect no one to be there for you at your breaking point. But when you feel like you can't go on for even another step someone is there to give you water. Of course on the Ragnar there are water stations. I want to talk about a different kind of water. Something more like Christ. The Living Water. When you've begun to feel completely alone Christ is there to end your thirst. He is there, He encourages you forward, and He motivates you.
And eventually, because of His support, you find yourself at the exchange where another runner is there to bare the burden. And they embark on their run while you have finally found a moment to rest and find peace. Similar to life there are wonderful times of rest, and peace. But there are also times filled with trial.
When I started Ragnar I only knew two people in my half of the team. I was kind of nervous to meet them and get to know them. I mean, we were all there for the same thing but we weren't all exactly friends. We'd just met! But it was truly the people in the car who made the trip. It was so much fun. I got to know my team and I'd like to think that we're all friends now. Friends forced into friendship by difficult and close circumstances, but friends. And I think we'll stay that way if we want to. I definitely want to.
But importantly I want to say that life is full of good and bad things, all the time. And the important thing is not to dwell on just the bad or just the good, but instead to find the happiness through the trial and the struggle. Easier said then done, I know. But I found that we were all sore and tired but we learned to laugh and make jokes anyway. And that's life too! Everyone is sore in life. But we have to be able to joke, and to laugh, and love anyway. It's the struggles mixed all up in the joy that makes life as wonderful as it is.
So I guess those are my lessons learned from Ragnar but just remember that life is a journey where you're never really alone and it's meant to be so much more fun then we let it be sometimes.

Get Out and Get Lost

    I write about life a lot, so I'm gonna write about it again. Life is what we're all living so why not, right? Anyway, I've been thinking a lot (big surprise!) and I think I'm done pretending. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a pretender, but like lots of other people I pretend to be or not to be certain things. I get stuck in this mindset, that I just am. That I simply exist. And I forget that I can be and do whatever I want. It can be frightening, terrifying even, but usually the things we're afraid of doing can be the very things we need to do to move forward.
    Okay, time out! I'm a senior in high school right now, I literally have less than three weeks and I'm done. That's it, it's over, and I'm very okay with that. But not at the same time. Last weekend I spent a couple hours with my best friends being totally silly and just being. We didn't have anything planed, we just talked and it was so good. Which was the first reason I wanted to write this post. Then tonight I went to my Senior Dance, the last dance we ever have in high school. And it was SO much fun. It was just a couple of hours of complete pause in life. I didn't worry about being seen by my peers, or even the boy I like who was dancing with his friends across the room. I didn't worry because I was being me, and not everyone knows me. But that's okay, that's alright, I don't mind.
    Sorry, I'm changing topic again. It'll connect, I promise. ;) My cousin is dealing with a lot of stress right now from various sources right now. And I was listening to her because that's what she needed, someone to listen and love her. While she spoke I thought about how to me she sounded lost. Like she's feeling very alone, and I felt like I understood her more then she thought. Perhaps it's presumptuous but no one is really alone in feeling lost or lonely. It's unfortunately common. I keep a journal, well, religiously. I write everyday, no matter how late it gets, I write something. And I can't count the number of times I've written that I felt lost or totally alone. When I was feeling lost it was the worst. There would be moments where I thought I could feel the path I wanted under my feet and I'd lose it again. So it was also frustrating for me, until I figured it all out.
    If you haven't noticed yet, or my blog is a new thing for you, there's a theme to all my writing. I write about God. I write about being faithful to Him and knowing that He is real. And that's what I figured out. That would make me feel found. Pouring over my scriptures and sinking to my knees to pray has changed my life. And I'm so grateful for it, because now all of my life is permeated with connections to and thoughts of God. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that getting out of my head brings clarity and peace, so I spend time with people, serving, listening, talking, laughing, even dancing. ;) I've been lost. I still get lost. And it's one of my greatest fears, being lost to God, that scares me more then anything, but I know it's a fear that can be concurred. But the point is I guess mostly that I've realized that being really me is the best way to get away from destructive thoughts, and avoid losing my way. Being the me that most people don't know. I don't show myself very often, I've always been afraid of that, but I don't want to be anymore. I want to make friends, and have fun, and be me while I'm at it. And I think part of it all is that I've needed to find a way to accept the real me before everyone else could, but I'm ready for that. I'm ready to stop the pretending. I'm a crazy nerd, I REALLY like the boy I asked on a date this week (Yeah, super brave of me right? I was TERRIFIED!). I love talking to myself in the mirror, and I love listening to loud music. Sometimes I'm down right mean and sometimes I think the terrible jokes people tell are funny. I'm done pretending. I've pretended for a long time that I'm an "open book" but I'm SO closed off. I don't like to tell people what I really think, I don't want people to know how I've really felt, because I'm afraid of showing them the me that I've hidden for so long. Well I'm done, I'm done hiding, I'm done pretending. I want to experience life as me. I want to get out, and get lost, and go crazy. I want to do something I've never done, and I want to try the things I think about. I'm ready. I'm ready to be who I really am, and hopefully I can. Hopefully these aren't just words but actions. I'm ready to rely more completely on God and to really share the person I am and the person I hope to be.

The Beautiful World

    I've decided something. But first let's talk about my favorite things :) I love Mindy Gledhill, and Brandon Sanderson, and I love the book Flipped and I love Doctor Who. I realized that I love these things because they make me happy, but I also feel like the world is beautiful when I'm reading, watching, or listening to these things. And I feel like they make the world more beautiful and more whole. So that's what I want to do. I want to make the world beautiful. I haven't decided how yet, but I want to share art, and love, and happy things with the world. I want to make the world more beautiful just by my being a part of it.
    We have a beautiful world to live in. And there are so many beautiful people. When I feel most discouraged I turn to one of the above mentioned things, or others like them because they fill me with a hope. Because if something as beautiful as those things exists then there must be a person(s) beautiful enough to think it up. And I want to be one of those people. One of the people who gives the world just a little more light in the darkness, sharing the beauty that exists even through all the suffering and pain. Because the world is beautiful, and life is beautiful when we search for the beauty.

Hang In There

"You are going to do great things. Hang in there."

This is something my brother recently told me. Life doesn't get easier. That's what I've been discovering. It's always going to be something that I'll have to fight for. I've met a lot of people (very recently) who have been really helping me without their really trying. They've been amazing. There's this specific boy who has struggled with something kind of similar to what I'm struggling with right now and he doesn't even know how much he's helped me these last few weeks just by being himself. He's one of those people who just lights up the room when he walks in. Just the thought of him makes you smile, and knowing about his struggles has given me a lot of courage with facing my own. He is already doing great things, because he hung in there. He doesn't know anything about what I'm dealing with, but he hasn't needed to to make my life better, easier, and happier. I'm really grateful to him. And I'm so grateful to all the people in my life and in the lives of others who do this. Who, just by being themselves, make someone else's burdens lighter. It's a gift, and such a blessing. We should never forget to be grateful for the seemingly small things. This boy I've been talking about has no idea what he's done for me but this is kind of my way of thanking him. All the little things people do, those are the things that will change lives, and change the world for the better. We should fill our lives with people like this, and strive to be that kind of person. At least I'd like to be that kind of person, because what could possibly be a better blessing then helping someone because I chose to be who I already am. So thank you, to all of you who are good down to your souls and who improve my life. Thank you for hanging in there through your struggles and being here to help me through mine, even when you don't try to. Thank you.

Happening Without My Permission

Is graduation supposed to be exciting? Because I don't think I feel it. I think I'm plagued by my distaste for change. I want adventures but my heart remains inside a well lit cheery little room with paintings on the walls and bookshelves so full that books lay all over the floor and on all the surfaces. My heart wants to keep dreaming but it's afraid to act. My life is full of crazy beautiful dreaming but my actions fall short of the adventures I picture in my mind. Graduation is supposed to be the start of an adventure, isn't? Perhaps I feel confused because it's the end of one too.
I only have two months left of high school and I'm so glad. But my heart still hurts. Sometimes when I'm alone when I leave or come to school I look around and think how grateful I am that I've had this time. It wasn't all fun and it definitely wasn't all easy and I've had to learn a lot. Not all of it academic. A lot of what I've learned has been about myself and about others and I keep realizing there's so much more to learn and even though sometimes I think I know a lot I realize I don't know very much, at all. And I'd like to know more.
When I'm doing some things people ask why I like them or why I want to do that and I feel silly because the only reason I have is because it makes my heart happy. I can express all the things I feel and it's like finally my heart is seen. People stop just hearing me and they see me. They see what I need and what's going on inside.
Sometimes I'm a protester of convention. I don't want to walk at my high school graduation. But at the same time I want to have those pictures with my friends and I want us all to be together and to have fun and I know I'll miss them. But I feel torn. I don't really know how to be okay missing people I love and loving new people all at once.
Anyway, I don't know how to feel excited about graduation. Because part of me doesn't think it's happy. Most of me is thrilled, but part of me is afraid that all the things I learned and loved will be gone when I'm gone too.
I'm about to be an adult, officially, but I don't think I want to be. I already act mostly like an adult. I have for a long time but I don't want to HAVE to act like an adult. At least right now I can choose to be whatever I want. Child or adult. And it's okay. Not so tomorrow.
So I'm going to take a deep breath and let myself be filled with the hope, the excitement, and all the happy anticipation because that's how I want to feel about all of this. It's going to be good. Everything happens the way it should and it happens because we need things to happen. Whether we want them to or not, so I might as well make the most of it.

Immeasurable

I have a friend who has been dating this boy for almost six months now. When they started dating I was a little sad. She is one of my very best friends and I was worried she'd be too preoccupied to hangout with me anymore. But I also wanted to know who she was dating because I figured if I was friends with him then I had an immediate in and was more likely to be able to spend time with her. When people found out who she was dating I got mixed reviews. A lot of people had some nasty things to say about him because of his behavior in middle school and early high school. I politely told these people that if my friend thought he was good enough for her to date that there must be something about him and that I would like to judge for myself.
I have since become his friend and to my delight I have discovered how wonderful he is. We have a class together, and there were many days where I didn't know if I could take it and seeing him brightened my day. I told my brother about this boy and said "She could do a lot worse, but I'm not sure she could do much better," he's just that kind of good.
This boy has now received his mission call. I'm absolutely thrilled for him. He has, some days, been a literal ray of sunshine. So many times I have walked into school feeling tired, discouraged, and unmotivated, only to see this boy. He'll stop and talk to me, he'll wave, or even just make faces in my direction. It's so simple and seemingly insignificant, yet monumental to me. His enthusiasm for life and for the goodness in the world is more soothing to your soul then almost anything I've ever come across. My gratitude towards him for taking such good care of my friend and for teaching me a new love for life is immeasurable.

Teach Me To Be Brave

I wanna be brave. Sometimes I think I am and sometimes people tell me that I am but then I doubt it. So frequently I can't breath and I panic because I become so afraid. People are forever talking about fairy tales and Disney movies. Happy endings and grand adventures. Handsome superheros and beautiful villains. Then I get so caught up in all of the excitement, my heart races, I get flushed, I can't stop rattling on about how much I love it and then everyone goes away. People go home, or go to bed and I'm all alone.
They tell me I'm so brave and people are so proud or so impressed with me because of my strength. They say I do things with confidence that would terrify so many others. I walk into situations and experiences excited and capable where others fumble and give up. But at the end of the day it wasn't anything special and I'm alone again.
I can do a lot of things that other people can't. But sometimes I wish I could just do the things that everyone else can do without falling to my knees in panic and trying to remind myself to breath. There are a lot of types of bravery. Sometimes it's fixing your own mistakes and having the courage to make things right. Other times it's being willing to sacrifice yourself for others because you believe in something. You have a cause. Then there's just being brave. Brave enough to do the right thing all the time and listening to the spirit when you hear him because you're brave enough. Because you have enough faith.
In Disney's Brave Merida makes a mistake but is willing to do the work to make it right. In Frozen Anna is willing to sacrifice her life for her sisters. Ariel follows her heart even though she doesn't make all the best choices. Cinderella braves the wrath of her stepmother for long enough to live out a dream. Tiana is brave enough to dream big and to chase after her dream without hesitation. Then when she faces a severe change in plans she's brave enough to change with them. Wendy is brave enough to grow up. Jasmine wants to be free, she wants to experience something and she's brave enough to run away, if only for one day. Rapunzel is brave enough to follow her dreams, to fall in love, and to chase after the adventure she's always wanted. The point is, they're all brave enough to dream.
How can I be that kind of brave if I don't even know what my dreams are? I want adventure but I don't want to get lost along the way. I want to fall in love but I don't want to get hurt. I want to be flexible enough to change but I don't want to readjust my plans. I want to be independent but I don't want to grow up. I can barely dream about having a good day, how can I dream about anything larger? I want to be brave but I don't know how.
I get so caught up watching and reading these adventures but when I find myself sitting alone I suddenly remember all the reasons I'm afraid. All the reasons I can't. I don't know how to be brave. I don't know how I'd face an adventure if it presented itself to me. I'm barely brave enough to walk out the door smiling each day let alone anything more distant or more pressing. How can I be brave?

Truth and Second Chances

I met this boy while I was spending time with my cousin. (I know, my cousin again. But I learn a lot with her so I have to talk about it.) I have had the opportunity to talk with him one on one on several different occasions. I have found him to be, like most people, flawed. But his virtues far outweigh his faults. I have found that he's delightfully charming. As far as I can tell he's quite kind, considerate, he means well, and most importantly I've come to see that his heart is in the right place. He wants to be his best and he is continually trying to improve himself.
There are those, however, who associate with my cousin and with this boy and they don't speak highly of him. I was surprised....even a little shocked by their general dislike towards him. And I asked my cousin "Have they ever actually talked to him face to face because I don't understand where they're coming from?".
Let's step away for a moment. In church today we talked about bullying. And I hate bullying. It seems common sense to me that you just treat people with kindness and respect no matter who they are or what they do. It's not our place to judge or to discipline. Our only role is to be Christ-like to all those we come in contact with. The brother who was speaking talked a little about how we often label people when we don't really understand them. We haven't really talked to them or we only know about them through rumors and gossip. You can not judge people based on another's experience. You do not know what that person is struggling with or what their relationship with God is. It's not your place.
So, pulling it all together, I don't understand these high school age kids who "know" this boy. They talk about him and I wonder if they met the same boy I did. The flawed, yet kindhearted and thoughtful young man. It's bizarre to me and sad. Here is this boy who is really quite amazing, and they ignore him or take him for granted because they have never taken the time to know him.
I'm of the opinion that all people have something wonderful and beautiful to offer the world and how could you ever want to miss out on something that could enrich your life simply because you listened to someone else's opinion. Or because you heard a rumor. Or even because that person was unkind on one occasion. Second chances and truth should be your mindset. Upon the event of hearing about someone weather talk of them be bad or good, take it upon yourself to meet them, talk to them. When you approach a person willing to understand them and care about them, they will respond in kind.

Taking You There

I'm talking about a couple of songs today. Important ones of course. I was actually running to them today and I noticed a similar theme, but maybe I'm the only one who's seen it, so let me tell you. In "On Top Of The World" by Imagine Dragons it says:

I've had the highest mountains
I've had the deepest rivers
You can have it all but life keeps moving
I take it in but don't look down
'Cause I'm on top of the world

And then in this new song called "Flaws" by Bastille (okay, relatively new, I just heard it for the first time a few days ago and I LOVE it) they say:

All of your flaws and all of my flaws,
When they have been exhumed
We'll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we'd be doomed

I think it's pretty self explanatory but let me show you. Imagine Dragons in that part of the song are saying that he's had the highest mountains, deepest rivers but life keeps going and you just can't look down, but pretty soon you find yourself on top of the world. Then in "Flaws" he says that we need our flaws to be who we really are and that without them we're "doomed". And it occurred to me that we need the mountains and the rivers in life to know ourselves and to get ourselves where we want to be in life, our literal top of the world. So when you feel like you can't take it any longer or that you're at your wit's end remember that it's all the rivers you cross and the mountains you climb that will show you who you really are and take you where you want to go. And don't forget that you don't climb your mountains or cross your rivers alone. When you've had so much that you can't stand, try kneeling for a little while. It's by overcoming our "flaws" (literal or figurative) that we can finally stand on top of the world.

Scary Movie Observations

          Spending time with one of my cousins opened my eyes to something. I frequently spend time with her and with her boy friends. Usually the one's she is currently interested in. And I've met two or three of them but in the last month I've met the two she's liked most and they're very good friends so it's been a titch of a sticky situation. Tonight I met one of them I was surprised by him. Surprised in a most pleasant way. They were sitting together and I, of course, was observing as I am ought to do. And he was so tentative. Perhaps that's not the word I want. I he was incredibly respectful but he was also so.....gentle. I don't know if that word has connotations I'm unaware of but it seemed the perfect way to describe this boy. Gentle. I looked the word up and my favorite definitions included "kindly; amiable; not severe, rough, or violent; mild; gradual; soft or low; polite; refined". All good words, but I love "not severe", "soft", and "refined" because it just seems to describe exactly what this boy was and exactly what not only men, but all people, should be. 

            And it occurred to me that gentle is a word infrequently used or mocked when used in terms of "gentleman" and so I used the dictionary again. A gentleman is described in a lot of ways but my favorite way is "a gentleman is civilized, educated, sensitive, or well mannered". Like WOW. I think the first two are important, incredibly so, but I love the last two. Sensitive is a word used to mock boys and men but it's important for them to be sensitive to others, and themselves. Well-mannered just seemed.....well perfect. I find the reason I dislike spending time with certain people is because of poor manners. I don't think good manners are, or should ever be, left to just men or just woman but both should be well-mannered.

                 I couldn't help thinking at the end of all my thoughts tonight
                              that if only more men in the world were
                                                  gentle.

Helaman 2:9

"....And he ran and told Helaman all the things

which he had seen, and heard, and done...."

    You guys know how much I love to talk but I REALLY want to talk about this. In case you're unfamiliar with what's happening in this chapter this servant just killed the assassin, Kishkumen, who was about to kill Helaman (the new chief judge). But this guy is SO smart! He doesn't hide it or worry about it because weather he's done something wrong or not he goes to tell Helaman what's happened. And he doesn't just take his time or try to schedule it into his day, no, he RUNS to Helaman. Now take that principle out of the scriptures and apply it to life.

    When you make a mistake don't just think about how and when you'll go to the Lord, run to Him. When you're scared, nervous, anxious, worried, anything really, run. Run to the Lord and tell him all the things you have seen, heard, and done.

     I can't tell you how many times I've begun telling Him everything I've seen or heard that has bothered me and it always leads to telling Him everything I've done. Not only does He want to hear about it all, but like Helaman's reaction, God will help you. He will take the next step. Going to Him was the right decision. Run to where you need to be, run to make yourself clean, run to find peace, and don't hesitate or try to talk yourself out of it. Run to the Lord and you will always find what you need.

Atittude

Isn't it funny how attitude really does change everything? I mean, I always knew it was true and I believed it but it wasn't until today that I saw it. Okay, maybe I should change that. I've seen it in my life and others before but today it was different.

Let’s start at the beginning. I've had trouble with my choir teacher ALL year! He’s been driving me crazy! But today I had to come early for something and I was just gonna deal with it and I decided to go and try to enjoy myself and ya know what happened? I loved it. It was an absolute blast! And it started my day off so nicely!  I was in a good mood when I finally got to class and I was prepared for everything that was coming my way.

But it gets better!

I was in my advanced cooking class (called ProStart) and there was SERIOUS drama! First off let me explain, there are some groups who………….are less effective, and slightly more idle. The largest group happens to be this group of boys who are amazingly creative and quite capable when it comes to producing a final product. However, they are not the best when it comes to time management or cleanup. Frequently their jobs are done by my group or others and it’s slightly frustrating. So their cupcake project was going beautifully, if a bit slow, while ours fell apart! I have no words for how fantastic it was! So just check out the pictures….

…..it was amazing. I don’t know if I've ever messed up so bad in my life :) It was an impressive feat. So a couple of my group were suddenly stressed out of their mind. I, however, just died! I started laughing and couldn't stop. It was just so funny to me! So from that point I was just in a super good mood. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn't delighted that our assignment for the day had bombed so terribly but what was I supposed to do!? It wasn't like we could fix it at that point, we just had to start over. But then my friend Alex and I got the more-than-gentle impression that we should do something other than cupcakes for the rest of class. So we started on the dishes with our friend Kristina. Well we had a blast! We laughed like crazy and got so much work done and it was just fun. Quite possibly the best time I've ever had in that class.

And then things went downhill. It was quite literally the last five or ten minutes of class and everyone who hadn't been working decided to start working and so OF COURSE it wasn't going to all be done by the bell. Dishes and cleanup are the longest part and everyone lollygags. That’s so not our fault though. And we’d done a lot so we moved away from the dishes and started on counters, clearing down and wiping off. Then some of our peers who we try to think positively of, despite the difficulties we have with them, yelled at me. Now you’re reading this, you can’t tell that the whole time I've been quite amused in my writing up until now. I don’t like yelling, and I don’t tolerate yelling at me. Especially when they yell “Don’t leave! You have to help! You haven’t helped all class!!” and I have never wanted so badly to smack someone. I had been doing SO much work for probably more than half the class and HE was yelling at ME…….I wasn't happy. But I was just like “Dude chill! I wasn't going to leave.” and I kept helping. Then our teacher (I wouldn't say yell but…) yelled at my friends to get to work and that just grated on their nerves.

Neither of them is a bad kid. They work really hard and their good people, excellent students, super hard workers. Well she yelled at them and that was so uncool. We hadn't done anything wrong and we always feel like she’s picking favorites with those boys in our class and it just isn't fair. It’s not. And you know how I hate injustice! It’s infuriating!! We talked and I let them all vent (to be fair I wasn't the happiest camper either but I was trying to remain positive and I was still totally laughing at our cupcake attempts, I mean just look at it…..

….tolja). And then I was like, “Let’s lodge a formal complaint” and I could tell that Alex was a little like “...no, I don’t know” because that’s crazy scary so I don’t blame her. I was a little hesitant now that I’d said it too! At this point Kristina had gone (in tears? Not totally sure) and our friend Kayela was trying to be supportive and help out. Well we did. We made a complaint and we talked to our principal about it and ya know what? I felt really good about it. I felt like we’d gone through the proper channels and our principal gave us some advice, made us promise to come back after we talked to our teachers and it was just good. It was like I real restoration in my faith in authority. So I don’t know how things are gonna go but my attitude about everything has just made today brilliant! This is a long story to make a simple point but just remember that attitude isn't everything, but it certainly can change everything.

Come Back With The Story Of Your Life

Life's a lovely thing, isn't it? I like it. most the time :) The thing is, life is supposed to be wonderful and brilliant and perfect and you're supposed to be happy. And I know a lot of us aren't. For me so much of it is what I learn about the world the older I get. The more I learn the more I long to either have the power to change it, or the ability to return to my childhood innocence when I thought all the world was as happy as I was.

"When you're a kid they tell you it's all...grow up, get a job, get married, get a house, have a kid, and that it'. But the truth is the world is SO much stranger than that. It's so much darker, and so much madder. And so much better."

I feel like that quote is just....perfect? Yeah, I think that's what I want. Because the world can be a dark place and it can be strange and scary and terrible. But oh how beautiful it can be too! There can be so much joy and so much beauty if we just look for it and if we just try. I know it's there and better yet, I know it's there for us! It wasn't put there just by chance but it was put there for us to see, and use, and love, and to make us feel like there's hope and happiness even in the landscapes and sunsets, and stars, and it was made to be perfect for us.

But let's not forget our part. We can't just expect to be happy all the time and for things to be perfect and sometimes even when we're having a brilliant adventure we're not necessarily happy and excited and in love with what we're going through or what we're doing. But we have to explore, we have to try things out and we have to embrace all of our adventures because that's how we live!

It's like this quote. Some people really do live more in twenty years than others in eighty! And it's true that it's not at all about how much or how little time we have, it's about the things we're doing and the people we're spending that time with. I know that for myself I've seen that I don't always look back on the day and think "Wow that was so much fun!"and those are the days that I realize I need to re-evaluate myself and what I was doing because I shouldn't have to have days that I'm not happy with. Every night I want to crawl into bed feeling completely exhausted from the emotional, physical, spiritual, and intellectual fun I've had. Everyday should be packed full of things we'll never regret. And so we should all spend each day with people we love to be with. I know that there are teenagers out there thinking "But I have to go to school everyday."And I wanna be like "THEN LEARN TO LOVE THE PEOPLE YOU GO TO SCHOOL WITH!!"I mean, after all, you can't dislike them all. There must be someone you like and think is super cool. It just takes a little looking and a little of being the kind of friend you'd like to have and in no time at all you'll find people who don't bother you so much as you think everyone does. Life is meant to be lived and you can decide what that means for you personally, but for me that means loving each day. Sometimes I don't, it's a work in progress, and it's a goal that I haven't quite reached, but it's the attempts that are success, not the completion of the goal. Plus I don't think I'll ever really be done with this goal. I've got so much to do in my life and I want to live every moment of it until I look back and have stories to tell.

One time, my sister and I were talking and she told me that for a little while she'd try to go out in the mornings  and come home at night with a story to write down in her journal. If everyday of your life you had a new story to tell, oh, think of how glorious those stories would turn out to be.

So don't forget to live. There's still so much life left in each and every day. Don't be discouraged and don't stop trying, because you'll come back with an even greater story to tell then you'd ever thought you'd find. You'll have the story of your life.

Be Small Enough

"There have been moments when I could not face Goliath on my own. And how could I forget we marched around our share of Jericho's. I will not be setting out a fleece for you tonight. Just wanna know that everything will be alright."

I honestly am a little lost as to how I made it through his week. It's been one of the hardest weeks of my life. I've been doing a lot of really hard things and dealing with tough problems everyday this week. And today (Friday) after I went running I put this song on to stretch to, and I cried. I wouldn't have made it through this sweet with a smile on my face if it hadn't been for my Heavenly Father. I've broken down and I've worked my tale off and I'm so done today. But listening to this song I remembered how incredibly blessed I am.

"I know you could leave writing on the wall that's just for me or send wisdom while I'm sleeping like in Solomon's sweet dreams, but I don't need the strength of Samson or a Chariot in the end. I just wanna know that you still know how many hairs are on my head. Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now."

I just want to thank everyone who is always there for me without trying to be. In the background of my life cheering me on and encouraging me forward. I know with my whole soul that God is always small enough to hear our prayers, sometimes event he unspoken ones. He hears you and He loves you.